this rhythm

dare i say
move
to the flow
of that
which
surrounds me
ask it all
to play
some beat
drumming
in my mind
a constant
push
the drama
its power
overwhelming
all forms
of life
which changes
to the rhythm
of a most
extreme
self
dare i question
or make
assumption
forget where
i stand
amongst it all
for below
the lines written
between
the words said
lost within
the silence
of an unspoken
dialogue
i dare
thy self
the impossible
to make
the strings
of this unlikely
chorus
an imperfection
of faults
and arrogance
find solace
in the spectrum
that is
which
what we chose
to not recognize
a purpose
concluding
in a separation
of thought
miles from
truth
dare i allow
you inside
so i sift
the boundaries
we have set
get the logic
and know
we are
the reverberation
that keeps us
coming back for more

let it be mine

within this disease
of attacking thoughts
through my crowded mind
amoungst the voices
rambling out of turn
i hear you clearly
without speaking
you see inside me
though you cannot
comprehend
or even begin to unravel
the paths i designed
to escape the roads
i could not stay
its in this muddled energy
you feel truth
and now know
how i stripped of myself
and became no longer whole
all of me is written
printed and posted
all of me i kept hidden
the cure
this mental maddness
to expunge the emotion
deny the feeling
resist the punch
for my mind to let go of you
often i drift
to hold
this pain and anger
sealed in memory
i am not lost
nor misdirected
but steady and sure
i have gone the way
i know the idea
it is always been
and i am
so let it go
let it be mine
and don't judge me
that way

unto death

i know
and that makes it better
partly
i still am
and that makes it harder
whole-y
i have lived
days longer
than possible
i have seen
all that i have
come to know
most of which
i tried to understand
i have felt pain
both pleasurable
and unnerving
and have faced
a web of complexities
whose entanglement
has lasted my lifetime
alone
i have no recollection
events that have seen me by
or people that have passed
the threshold of goodbye
just this
a giant pause
which fills the space
consumes my thoughts
eating my time
for waste
an illusion
and sleep
the mind’s decay
this room
my tomb
littered with reminders
sits vacant
i met my match
and wisely chose
i deciphered codes
to lead me here
destroyed mine enemies
and challenged beyond
there is no history
none to conserve
what is to be remembered
will fade
with each passing mind
and the wrinkled pages
of the journey lost
recycled to a future
i can never
comprehend
for the pieces
this puzzle
i have fit so nicely into
have scattered now
each one
tiny energy
moving in random thought
exploding its life
upon those who will never know
for the ripple is constant
its motion the true
creator of life
for the cycle
the crossing of two
inanimate objects
its effect of me
on me
is me
and I, too
accept
and cease to be

Nemesis

there is a story
of which
could not be false
for proof I hold
within my own hands
from tongue to paper
i penned each chapter
peeling the raw layers
of experience
and bullshit
i purge my own found knowledge
to answer the questions
with another
here in the deep and narrow
where i trudge my character
and forget self
in epilogue it begins
at the end
where all things
come round
where thy nemesis
can be found
for it is he who sifted
amongst my written pages
until he happened upon
a lonely road
beyond the edge
before the fall
in the paused moments
of chaos
beaten and bound
from a logic
romanticized
a manifestation
of all things lost
he would come to know
his equivalent
his other
and soon after
would come to have his way
beat by beat he bled
and took down with him
all that he did not understand
nor believe in
nor love
and before him
on his knees
I lay in the wake of it all
He had no explanation
nor remorse
nor admission of guilt
and in the slippery scope
of things
he nodded toward my space
acknowledged my existence
for he now knew his place
as he was not the hero
but the chains to which
he would bind
antagonize
and challenge
this nemesis knew
he nodded and smiled
this was not where things come to end
but begin
with eyes upon each other
clearly, this was just
for as we turned our backs
we would face again
in prologue perhaps
in some distant future
when the time presents itself
where the dust settles
on the winds of yesteryear
this man, my nem
will gladly place before me
myself in mirrored image
and i will overcome
only to find
typed into form
self’s final words
and we shall shake on it
his hand in mine own
eye to eye, we see truth
where trust does not exist
for it is a shadowy path
this fiction
and we are the great divide

"Sara" - Fleetwood Mac

Wait a minute baby. . .
Stay with me awhile
Said you'd give me light
But you never told me about the fire


Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now it's gone
It doesn't matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home


And he was just like a great dark wing
Within the wings of a storm
I think I had met my match--he was singing
And undoing the laces
Undoing the laces


Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now it's gone
It doesn't matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home


Hold on
The night is coming and the starling
flew for days
I'd stay home at night all the time
I'd go anywhere, anywhere
Ask me and I'm there because I care


Sara, you're the poet in my heart
Never change, never stop
And now it's gone
It doesn't matter what for
When you build your house
I'll come by


Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now it's gone
It doesn't matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home


All I ever wanted
Was to know that you were dreaming
(There's a heartbeat
And it never really died)

twas

it came upon
that it twas
it twas
upon a lonely road
beyond the edge
before the fall
where just before
the eye of the storm
in the paused moments of chaos
they exist there
beaten and bound
to a logic
romanticized
for it twas
it twas
that in this space
where no one else
could crowd
that they did find
in the pause of
the world round
themselves
stricken naked
from emotion
and ego
and free of
authoritative thought
did birth a conciseness
of their own
and with determined
admiration
it twas, it twas
that they allowed
and into the bluffs
they gave
their last breath
for just this moment
of undefinable truth
and raw passion
as the sky's mouth opened
and it's screams raged
it twas
oh, how it twas
they discovered love

on my knees

here
i adjust
i find the moment
grasping for anything
i refuse to open my eyes
i feel the fear inside
it is
suffocating
leaving me numb
in the grey
before me
i see the person
i have become
i acknowledge
the road travelled
and those i stumbled across
those that hurt
pushed me low
those who questioned
and where i could no longer go on
those that stood beside me
to keep me safe
from myself
from the games i played
the players i let go
in my most desperate hours
on my knees and broken
it was me that stayed the course
followed through
and accepted fate
for the hole i dug myself into
i built my own way out
blindly facing
head on
with compassion
and reverence
with gathered courage
and the ability to recognize
the person i was
drowning
into the abyss
of a disillusioned reality
for now i say with confidence
and incomparable truth
i am who i am
and present myself
dignity intact

on my knees

here
i adjust
i find the moment
grasping for anything
i refuse to open my eyes
i feel the fear inside
it is
suffocating
leaving me numb
in the grey
before me
i see the person
i have become
i acknowledge
the road travelled
and those i stumbled across
those that hurt
pushed me low
those who questioned
and where i could no longer go on
those that stood beside me
to keep me safe
from myself
from the games i played
the players i let go
in my most desperate hours
on my knees and broken
it was me that stayed the course
followed through
and accepted fate
for the hole i dug myself into
i built my own way out
blindly facing
head on
with compassion
and reverence
with gathered courage
and the ability to recognize
the person i was
drowning
into the abyss
of a disillusioned reality
for now i say with confidence
and incomparable truth
i am who i am
and present myself
dignity intact

on my knees

here
i adjust
i find the moment
grasping for anything
i refuse to open my eyes
i feel the fear inside
it is
suffocating
leaving me numb
in the grey
before me
i see the person
i have become
i acknowledge
the road travelled
and those i stumbled across
those that hurt
pushed me low
those who questioned
and where i could no longer go on
those that stood beside me
to keep me safe
from myself
from the games i played
the players i let go
in my most desperate hours
on my knees and broken
it was me that stayed the course
followed through
and accepted fate
for the hole i dug myself into
i built my own way out
blindly facing
head on
with compassion
and reverence
with gathered courage
and the ability to recognize
the person i was
drowning
into the abyss
of a disillusioned reality
for now i say with confidence
and incomparable truth
i am who i am
and present myself
dignity intact

on my knees

here
i adjust
i find the moment
grasping for anything
i refuse to open my eyes
i feel the fear inside
it is
suffocating
leaving me numb
in the grey
before me
i see the person
i have become
i acknowledge
the road travelled
and those i stumbled across
those that hurt
pushed me low
those who questioned
and where i could no longer go on
those that stood beside me
to keep me safe
from myself
from the games i played
the players i let go
in my most desperate hours
on my knees and broken
it was me that stayed the course
followed through
and accepted fate
for the hole i dug myself into
i built my own way out
blindly facing
head on
with compassion
and reverence
with gathered courage
and the ability to recognize
the person i was
drowning
into the abyss
of a disillusioned reality
for now i say with confidence
and incomparable truth
i am who i am
and present myself
dignity intact

we bike LA

when i leave here
to venture roads not yet ridden
the space I happen upon
is void
an unnatural silence which fills the air
for it is the energy of the ridaz
their presence greatly lacking
and it’s then that i realize
these roads are not meant for this rida
for i am just a visitor
cycling through borrowed land
upon my return
to this giant cement park
of twisted roadways
lined with cracks and holes
and bumper to bumper traffic
i breathe the exhaust fumes
and smile
cause there’s a ride
happening somewhere
with ridaz sifting
amongst marked territory
to reclaim it as their own
though this city is rough
i know the ridaz are rougher
for we play on the edge
of this chaotic spectrum
we accept the challenge
life or death
we take our two wheels
to the streets
like the badasses we are
for we bike LA
and proudly call her our home

he, conquest

it came to be
alas, i am tired
i brush you off
with wicked indifference
to exist in
hold onto
subtle satisfaction
i swallow my pride
in search for
understanding
clinging to my dignity
amongst the rubble
of defeat
in the wake of your shadow
and with the strength of anew
i learn to accept
and allow myself
the pleasure to walk away
for the toll i knew
to be heavy
for it twas
a route never taken
many bruises were to be had
but not one scar
i kept me safely
tucked
inside myself
surrounded by walls
layered with
an antagonistic reality
of who I pretended to be
i laugh at the plausible
the possible
the moments
we did have
our words
the tension created
exhausted our reasons
for the adventure
in whole
our individual challenge
to which gave worth
to every passing day
the competition
our need for power
the inevitable conquest
an achievement
lost within the confusion
of many tiny moments
are all bundled here
for this is where they shall stay
on some shelf
tossed into yesterday